faith and works.

I have spent the past week and Passport church camp with our youth group. It has been so very special for me. I saw little glimpses of heaven all week. We spent the week at Mercer University in Macon, and we did mission work in a rough part of Macon. My mission group was assigned to Mrs. Goode's house. We had to scrape old paint, prime and paint the entire house. Her house was pretty big. Actually, it was huge! It was so tall. But, it was old and needed a lot of work. The week started out kind of slow. I am not sure if the kids knew what they were getting into or not. You usually don't get put to work at summer camps. But slowly, the mood completely changed. Kids started interacting and working together. By the end of the week, our group became so close. It was such a blessing to work on this woman's house and to see these kids really do the work of Jesus. It was such a feeling of accomplishment yesterday when we finished after four long days! Right when we finished a huge thunderstorm came, and we were soaked! I thought of it as a little gift from God. It felt amazing. This is an example of where I see God the most. I see God in the poorest parts of town. I see God in a group of kids who are covered in dirt and paint after a long days work. I see God in the smile of kids who come from a broken home. This is where I belong. I feel for sure after this week that I am right where God wants me to be.
I have been reading 'Searching for God Knows What' by Donald Miller. It is a very good read. I really like his view on religion and faith. I know I have written lately how I have been getting frustrated with politics and churches and government officials. But now, I feel at peace. I have prayed and God has filled me with complete peace at the moment. I know that I cannot change the way people think and do things. But, I can work on myself and do my part. I can love people and help and work through people. That is all I can do.

James 2:17-26 is really on my heart right now. Faith without works is dead. It is true. You can sit there and read the entire bible and learn a bunch of religious facts and have good morales.. etc. But, if you don't do anything with what you know, then what good is it? I guess it would be like studying and preparing for the SAT, but never signing up and taking it. What good will that do you?

Ask for what you need.

I am sitting here at Mercer University at Passport camp with our youth group. It is only the first night, but I am very much enjoying my time here so far. I have really been stuck in a rut lately. I don't know how to describe it. I haven't been moving forward. Maybe I have moved a little backwards. I have just been so confused and almost lost. I feel like lately I have been trying so hard to figure out where to go next and what God has planned for my life. I have been trying so hard to seek out what is next for my life. I sit around and worry about where I will be next year, or how I will make something happen.
Tonight's message was on Matthew 7:7. Seek and ask and God will show you the way. But, have I been asking all of the wrong questions? Have I been asking God to show me where I will go in the future? I think I need to be focusing more on where He has me right now. I need to be focused on letting God mold me right now. It is like a painting. You can't start out with a masterpiece. You have to start out with strokes of paint, and let the pieces come together eventually. I need to stop worrying about where I will go in the future. I need to embrace where God has me now. I could be missing an important element that will help shape me into the person God has planned for me to be.
Anyways, that is just a little about what I am thinking at the moment.

What I have realized lately... God is so huge. Sometimes when I start thinking about who God is.. I can't even begin to understand Him. I know I will never fully understand Him, but I hope to learn more everyday. I want to seek and discover more and more every day. I have been stuck in a rut lately, and it has been very depressing for me. Everyday won't be wonderful. I need to learn to take the good days with the bad. Embrace everyday. Be open to what God has to show me each day.

good works?

I know I just posted a few minutes ago, but I had a new thought that just came to my head. I was reading Donald Miller's blog (like I always do, I am a little obsessed), and he had a really good point. He was discussing 'working together with God to do His work'. He was right in saying that people downsize and limit what they think God's work is. People define God's work as doing something through the church. God's work is much bigger than that. God's work is everywhere. God's work is in the beauty of the world. It is in every brain busy at work trying to find a cure for a disease. It is in every artist and writer and scientist. God is working everywhere, and it should not be narrowly confined to the church. As you know, I am disappointed with most of the modern day church. I am a 'Book of Acts' type of person. I believe in doing works. I do not like confining God to a building. I also do not believe someone can do a bunch of good deeds, but not have a relationship with God. I know, that is confusing. But, having a great love for God will cause someone to want to do good deeds. I spent many years measuring how good of a person I was by all of the deeds that I did. I am still not perfect in my relationship with God, but it is evolving and growing stronger. I want to help better the world. I want to show love and help others have a better life. I cannot stand injustice. It infuriates me to see people being hateful to other people. Everyone is the same. Nobody is better than someone else. So how can we judge someone else and their life. People are handed circumstances, and they do the best they can with what they have. I know I mess up sometimes. Sometimes I mess up worse than other times. But, I want to be a better person. I want to keep learning from my mistakes and grow into a better person. Some of the most wise people that I know have the worst pasts. You have to go through dark, tough times to grow into a better person. You have to learn how to deal with bad times and celebrate the good times. 
Back to doing God's works. I also do not believe that you can confine God's works as 'being good'. People who put themselves on a throne because they are good really tick me off. Just because someone goes to church twice a week, and does not cuss, and does not drink and is on the church softball team, does not make them better than anyone else. Good job for being a good person, but don't put other people down by bragging about it. I am discussing this because I heard someone talking the other day about everything that they do with the church. I am not putting down churches with softball teams and other such things. I like playing softball. But, telling someone that you are 'on the church softball team', should not make you feel good about yourself. I have caught myself doing this same thing. I felt really bad when I started thinking about it. Great, I am involved with the church, but what am I doing for the rest of the world? What am I doing for the hungry and homeless and sick and the lost? Isn't that what God said to do? So should going to church twice a week make you feel like a better person? Because it sure doesn't make me feel like one. I love going and seeing everyone and learning more about God. But lately, I realize where I need to be at. So, I do not believe we can judge someone by whether they are 'good' or 'bad'. 
This was just on my heart and I wanted to write it out. It has really been on my mind lately. 

a little bit stronger.

I have been going through a good bit of change lately. I have made a lot of realizations. I have realized that we go through many seasons in life, and things are continuously changing. Things will never stay the same forever. I get used to the way life is, and then it changes. 
I have a good feeling about this summer though. Since I have decided to have a new outlook on life, things have gotten a lot better. My new plan for life is to just be happy. As I said in my previous post, I am embracing what God has given me at this moment. God has placed me here for a reason. At one point I was complaining about how I was stuck at home when I should be living away somewhere. But, the reality is, I am so incredibly lucky to be living here. I have two wonderful jobs right now. I am lifeguarding and teaching swim lessons at the Aquatic Center, and I am lifeguarding at Camp Twin Lakes. Both of these places are so wonderful. I am very blessed. I am also so lucky to get to work with the youth group at the church. I have so much fun doing that, and it is really good for me. This summer is going to be wonderful. In a little over a week I will be on my way to Savannah to be in one of my best friend's weddings. I am so excited to be standing there next to her on her special day. They are so in love and I am extremely happy for them. After the wedding, my brother's family is coming up to my house for Lily's birthday. Then, we leave on Sunday for Passport. Passport is the summer camp for the youth group. I am super excited to experience this with them. Not long after we get back from Passport, we have the Sunflower festival. My summer is filled with so much good stuff. Most of my money from the summer is going towards my trip to Europe in December. 
I know this sounds weird, but, I feel like I am finally living again. I think I went through this time in life where I was kind of depressed about a lot of things. I finally realized that you can't go through life upset about every little thing that goes wrong. Because when you look at it, we are incredibly lucky people. Maybe I changed my outlook on life after I got back from Haiti. I am not really sure. I really do miss Haiti though. Everyone there was so thankful for everything. I get tired of hearing people complain. It really, really bothers me. People that have everything in the world are complaining about needing more stuff. It is a bit ridiculous. 
Anyways, I am super excited about my life. I have so many things that I want to do. My options are wide open for the future. I know that I could do amazing things. God has given me the opportunity to go to nursing school, so I can't wait to use my skills to help people.
I had a discussion the other night with a friend.. about relationships. I spent so many years trying to invest my time in guys and trying to make relationships work. But, I am finally so content with where I am and being by myself. I am 21 and I have the world in my hands. I can do whatever I want! I have so many things that I would love to do in life. Sure, I want to find the perfect guy to spend my life with. But, I want to find someone who wants the things that I want. I am not going to just settle for someone because I don't want to be alone. What a sad life that would be. I am going to live life and do the things that I want, and eventually someone will come along and fit into the picture perfectly. You have to do the things that you love to do. If you try to just date anyone, it will never turn out good. If you do the things that you love to do, you will meet someone who loves the same things. How perfect. If you look at the dating world that way, it makes perfect sense. I just see so many people giving up there dreams. And, at such a young age! Everyone that I have talked to tells me that right now is the time for me to do all of the things that I have wanted to do. Because once you get married and have kids, it is really hard to fit in extra trips. So, that is what I am trying to do. 
Anyways, I know this blog was very random. But, it was just a few of my recent thoughts thrown together. I hope to start blogging a little more often. I am just so busy with work and school and life... 
Until then--