As you know, my friend Deanna and I are working on the 'Bows for Haiti' project. It has been so exciting. I love making the bows. They are so fun to design. The only hard part is sewing the hair pin on the back, it is just tedious. The project is going great so far. I am not sure the exact number of bows that we have made at the moment, but we have a good many made! As of today, I have 24 days before I leave on my trip. My goal is to make 10 items a day until I leave. I really have no clue how many people I will come in contact with on this trip, so I want to have enough. Even if I make too many, that will be fine. I just don't want to run out! The bows project also has branched into something new. I am also making bracelets out of wooden beads and fabric. They are super cute. I wanted to make something for the older girls and women if they didn't want a hair bow. I think they will like them a lot. I think I will have to take a whole suit case dedicated to my bows and bracelets! :)
I looked at an album on facebook from when the group went last year. There were lots of little girls, and they all had big hair bows in their hair! I was so excited to see that! They were all so cute.
I have had a lot of fun taking pictures of the bows! Here are some new pictures!
My life has been so exciting lately. God is really working through me and I can feel it! It feels amazing. It is amazing when you can feel God leading you down a certain path. I finally feel some type of direction in my life, and I feel that I have a purpose. God has a wonderful plan for me. I feel almost 100% certain that I am called to the international missionary life. I have several reasons for believing this.
For one, I have always had a restless spirit and a love for travel. My whole life I have always been so energetic about traveling. I look forward to going to new places and experiencing new things. I look forward to spending hours in airports and standing in long lines. This gives me the opportunity to meet so many new people. I know that is weird that I look forward to those things. But, I do. Going new places just puts a spark in me. I love it! And, the best thing is, I will go ANYWHERE! The only things I am scared of in life are snakes, fire and approaching green lights. Seriously, nothing else scares me. Except the movie Chucky, that kind of scares me too. But, people do not scare me. This could be a good or bad thing. Maybe I am too naive. Maybe I care and love people so much that I think everyone thinks like I do. I know there are a lot of bad people in the world, but I feel if I show Love then no one can hurt me. My heart breaks to see people hurting. I literally will start crying when I see people hurt, it is kind of a problem. I cry every time a sad commercial comes on. Maybe I should work on that. I just can't help it, tears just come! But, I believe God gave me this passion for a reason. I could definitely see myself living abroad and helping people. I have always loved travel and have always wanted to live abroad. I just never thought about doing it as a missionary. After I completely gave my life to God, I realized all that I can do for people. With God, possibilities are endless.
Secondly, I am so passionate about changing the world. I know I am one person, but there are A LOT of people out there with my same passion. There are so many missionaries out in the world spreading God's love. If we all work together, we could change the world. This world is in desperate need of God's love. I read an article that said in 11 major countries, including Canada, Australia, New Zealand..etc., religion is going extinct. Meaning, soon no religion will be in these countries. It has died out. This hurts me so bad! There is so much work to be done. I think the world is heading downhill and fast. In America, we are so focused on ourselves. (Me included). I am always worrying about what clothes I need to wear, and what I will eat next. None of this matters. I believe we need to work together to bring love to the world. So many people are suffering and some of us have SO much to give. Lets share.
I have been praying about this so much. I will continue doing it to make sure I do exactly what God has planned for me. I used to have this perfect plan for my life. Or, atleast I thought it was perfect. Until I gave up my life to God. I am giving it to Him, and letting Him take me where He wants me to go. It is so freeing to not worry about my future.
I do get frustrated sometimes, because I am ready to go now. I am ready to be out in the world helping. NOW! I know, I know, I shouldn't be anxious. It is just my human nature to be anxious about things. I got into nursing school and I am starting in the fall, which will last 2 years. I will have some breaks during school, so maybe I can continue to do short term mission trips while I am in school. I am going to Haiti in less than a month, and I am so excited. I have no idea what to expect, but I already feel so much passion about helping these people. I have always been especially attracted to the Caribbean. I don't know why, I have just always been drawn to these people. I think their culture is so beautiful and unique. Maybe this is where I am called to be? I guess I will see. I also just made the decision to sponsor a little girl in Haiti. I did it through World Vision. I looked around for hours trying to find the perfect child. I check all of these countries in Africa and around the world. I couldn't decide where I wanted to sponsor. And, all of a sudden, it hit me like a ton of bricks. It is like God threw a brick at me and said 'are you blind?!'. No, I know He didn't really do that, but that is what it felt like. But, I realized.. I am going to Haiti. I am making bows for Haiti. I am feeling drawn towards HAITI. So, I searched the children in Haiti. Now, I am sponsoring a 3 year old girl named Dadeline. She lives with her mother and 5 sisters and 4 brothers. Her mom works in the market selling things. It hurts me so bad. It has got to be such a hard life. But, my 35$ a month will help provide for her and her family. I think I can afford 35$ a month. My mom questioned me about it. Because 35$ doesn't seem like much. But, being in college, and paying for basically everything that I do, 35$ is a good bit. So, my plan is to cut out how much I eat out. I am also going to cut out extra spending, such as clothes and such. This should be enough to save 35$. It said that I would receive a starter kit with her picture and a letter. I will also receive monthly updates to where my money is going and how she is doing. I will receive letters from her also. I can also send her letters and small packages. I am super excited about this! Since I am a busy college student, this is a way that I can still help out.
I am so excited for what God has planned for my future. I just have to keep my eye on it and not give it up. I do not want to get distracted and give up God's plan for anything. If I happen to meet a special someone, then I hope they have the same life plan as me. I can't give this up for anything. I have to do God's plan! I guess the guy that God has for me will have the same passion as me, and we will help each other in our journey. I just need to keep hope in that. I will not settle for less.
Until next time--
I feel like I could jump off of a mountain right now! I feel like I could jump and just fly away. I am just filled with happiness and love and it just lifts me off the ground. Sorry if that is weird, it is just how I am feeling lately.
I have gone through so many more changes just in the past month, and my life is so different than I ever thought it would be. I had all of these plans for my life that consisted of a lot of money and other material items. I thought that is what I wanted out of life. But, things have turned out much different. It is turning out to be much better than I could ever imagine.
I am still working on simplifying my life. I am still sorting through my closet. But, at this moment I feel like I could go rip everything out of my closet, and keep a few things, and I would be just fine. I think I might go throw a few more things out of my closet today. It feels so great, and so freeing. I want so bad to unclutter my life, especially this next month before I go to Haiti. God has really led me to fasting. I have felt Him telling me to fast. I bought a book and started reading on it. It makes total sense to me. I had this preconceived thought about fasting before I ever read about it. I had always heard people say 'we are fasting today at church'. And, I never understood this. I thought 'why would you not eat all day?' 'what good does that do?'. But, I think I had just heard it from friends who didn't really understand the concept either. Now that my relationship with God is growing deeper, I believe it is something important that I should do. It would free up my time, and help me focus more on God. I wouldn't completely do without food. I am still reading about it, and I will read more on how to fast. I would just eat a litttttttttle bit. Just enough to survive. At church we have been studying different types of prayer. We are supposed to pick one and do it for the next few weeks. Since I just finished school for a while, I chose Solitude. Meaning, I am going to set aside a few hours to just be still and listen. I can read my bible, write or listen to music. But, I will just take that time to soak in God's Love. I think fasting and this type of prayer go hand in hand. So, I am going to start this full on by Monday. The reason I am waiting is because I am going with the youth to March Mission Madness this weekend and things will be all crazy.
I have really been focusing my life around Matthew 6. Jesus shows us the type of life we should live. I think being a Christian, it is important to actually live the lifestyle that Jesus told us to live. I know we live in a different time period, but that doesn't matter. We can still live like Him, or at least try our best. :) So, that is what I am focusing my life on right now. It is hard. It is definitely a process. You can't completely change your life in one day. It takes a lot of prayer. I still have a long, long way to go. You know, at first, I started getting kind of angry. I would look around at my christian friends and wonder why I had to give up everything when they didn't. But, after a LOT of praying, I have come to accept it. Everyone is at different stages of their relationship with God. I was completely different two years ago, but look how far I have come. It is something that everyone will learn. Everyone will eventually learn that money does not buy you happiness. It just takes me. It took time for me. So, I am now at peace with this. I am not angry, I just know that I need to be an example. I want to live my life like Jesus did. He was the best man to ever live. I want to learn everything that I can about Him. I want to soak up everything that I can. When you unclutter your life, you heard God more clearly. It is so wonderful. You do not have so many things distracting you. I want to eventually get to the point where if God asked me to do something, I could give up everything and just go. Like Jesus said 'Go, sell everything, & then come, follow Me'. How beautiful is that.
I have come a long way in personal relationships also. I have prayed that God fills me with love, and rid me of any type of anxiety or hate. I definitely see a change in myself. I want to revolve my life around helping others. But, I have had a lot of challenges as my life has changed. I have lost a lot of friends. Well, I thought they were friends. Now that I do not go out to parties or do anything like that, I feel like people have abandoned me. I still have a few friends, but I have even cut back on my time with them a lot. I still have a few friends who want to go out on weekends. I can't do that with them. I tried, but it is just opening a door for trouble. Since I am still weak in areas, there are places that I just cannot go to. So, some of my friends, I can just go out to dinner with, or watch a movie with now. Which is fine. It shows that they are true friends to do that with me, and understand it. The friends that are still with me are like gold. They are hard to find, but they have been with me forever it seems. We have been through thick and thin, literally. But friends do go through fights and tough times, but it just makes the good times that much better.
An update on Bows for Haiti..
We have now turned this project into 'Bows and Bracelets for Haiti'. My sweet next door neighbors taught me how to make the cutest bead and fabric bracelets. I am making bracelets to take the older girls and women. They are so cute! I have made a few bows, but I have been so busy with school and all. Now that I am finished with school until August, I can focus a lot more time into making bows. In fact, Deanna is coming over today and we are having a bow making day!! I am super excited! I
I have also done several photo shoots, and my yard sale was a great success! I am only a few hundred dollars away from what I need for the trip. I feel so blessed. I was so overwhelmed with the amount of money that I needed. I prayed, and God has more than answered! This whole experience has taught me a lot. My whole life I have always been given everything that I wanted. This time, I had to work and give up things. But, it feels so good. I really hope the girls like the bows and bracelets. I just want to make them smile, and know that they are so completely Loved. I am now trying to prepare myself for the trip. I have no idea what to expect, but I know it will break my heart. It will be a humbling experience.
I am also thinking about starting a fundraiser for the victims of the earthquake and tsunami in Japan. I want to make as many bracelets and bows as I can for Haiti, so I do not know how much time I will have before my trip. I want to make bows and bracelets and sell them to raise money to give to a Christian organization that has people over there. Or, maybe I could raise money and go over there this summer? Who knows! I will see what God has in store for me!
God has been so good to me. I have been learning more and more. I realize how important it is to invest time and effort. That is the only way your relationship with God will grow. It has been so wonderful, and I can't wait to see what the future has in store!
'til next time--
My life has been one giant roller coaster ride this week. It started out good and bad. I had my yard sale on Saturday, and I raised a lot of money for my mission trip. That was such a blessing! I never expected to make as much as I did. While the yard sale was going on, I got a letter from the Medical College of Georgia. I was kind of hesitant to open it, it was the first admission letter I was receiving. I opened it, and it said I was chosen as an alternate. An alternate. That was a big slap in the face. I thought I had a good chance of getting in. I didn't really care at the moment, I was busy with my yard sale. But, Sunday night at about 11:00 p.m it hit me. I started crying, and I thought it was the end of the world. I do not know what pushed me over the edge. Maybe the thought of being stuck in this town another year, or even worse, the rest of my life. No offense to anyone who lives here, I guess it just isn't my style. I had been joking with my boss about how I was going to be a lifeguard there the rest of my life. Sunday night I could envision that happening. Olivia called me and calmed me down. I really needed to be calmed down. I was gasping for breath I was so upset. It is so weird, I never get that upset. Thank goodness for good friends like that, I might have cried the whole night. She finally got me calmed down enough to fall asleep. I read the bible before I went to bed, and I told God that if His will wasn't for me to go to nursing school, then that was fine. I just prayed that He would make it obvious to me what He wanted. I got up the next morning, I still felt a little sad. It is just a huge let down to wait 6 months to get the letter, and when you do.. you're an alternate. I woke up a little early so I could drink some coffee before heading to school. I started thinking about how I was slowly, but surely, failing at life. So, before I got too upset.. I got out the bible and spent a good 30 minutes just praying. I read some of the bible also. I thought I had only prayed a few minutes, and when I looked at the clock, it had been 30 minutes. It was very odd, but cool. After that, I felt a peaceful feeling come over me. I knew that God would show me the way.
I got ready for school, and went by the Church to visit my mom for a minute. She told me to go check the p.o box because she wouldn't have a chance to check it. When I opened the p.o box, I saw it. The letter from the office of admission of Piedmont College. My heart stopped. This was my last option. I hadn't applied anywhere else, so if I was going to nursing school, then this was it. I had an interview there a few weeks ago, so I thought I had a pretty good chance of getting in. But, I still wasn't sure. Piedmont had 60 spots available at the Demorest campus, and 25 spots in Athens. This fall will be the very first nursing class at the Athens campus. The secretary said that out of over 250 applicants, they all wanted Athens. She said, the only fair way they could do it was to choose the top 25 based on their gpa and TEAS test scores. I figured I did not have a chance in the world at getting in the Athens campus. So, you can imagine my surprise when I opened the letter telling me that I was accepted to the fall 2011 nursing class, Athens campus! It took me a second to open the letter. I called my mom, because I literally could not open it. I finally did, and when I read it, I jumped and screamed. I was so excited. God had sent me this at the perfect time. It shows how trusting God with your future will work perfectly every time. God made it so perfect. So that was a great day for me.
The rest of the week has been a little off though. Tuesday was pretty perfect. Olivia took me out to lunch to celebrate. We went to my favorite restaurant, Amici's. It was such a beautiful day, so I took my dog Allie and we sat outside. It was such a beautiful day, and it was so warm. After we stuffed ourselves there, we went to Ella's to get gelato. Ooohhh it was so good. Ella's is the best. Ever. The owner seriously let us try every single flavor. I chose 'Go Dawgs'. It was red velvet cake flavored, with pieces of dark chocolate in it. It was heaven! On the way home my car made this funny noise and kind of did this jumpy thing. Olivia suggested that I get my transmission checked out. I brushed it off and told her it was probably nothing.
When I pulled into the school parking lot yesterday, a message came up saying that my engine coolant was hot. I mean, who knows what engine coolant is? I sure don't. But, I don't know really anything about cars. I called my mom, and she called the car care place. They told me to just watch the gauge and if it got too hot, then they would tow me. When I left to go home, my gauge shot up to about 245. So, I pulled over and waited about an hour and a half for a tow truck. In the rain. I was parked at a gas station, so I decided to go in and get something to drink. While I was waiting in line, the tow truck pulled up, so I told the cashier that I would be right back to pay. When I came back in, he said 'You don't owe anything, the man that was behind you paid for it, he said you were too beautiful to have your car broken down'. How sweet. Even though I was in a bad situation, that brightened up things a bit. It is nice to know that there are still such nice people out there. And, the tow truck man was very nice and talkative. He was actually good friends with my dad. I was so worried that the ride back would be awkward, but it wasn't at all. When I finally got back to Madison around 6:30, my mom picked me up from the shop. We had to skip church. I was disappointed because I really was looking forward to last night. Last night, my throat started to hurt. By the time I went to sleep, it was hurting pretty bad. It kept me up pretty much all night. When I woke up this morning at 5, I had no voice and I could barely breath. Coffee helped a little bit, but it hurts so bad. I am going to the doctor after lunch. I feel like I always get strep throat right around finals time. It never fails! I guess being stressed doesn't help.
Wow, I feel like I have written and play by play of my week. But, it has just been one of those weeks. I wanted to write out everything, so later in life I can remember this week. I actually print these posts out and glue them in my journal. I used to write in it, but the pain in my arm hurts too much to write a lot. I like to write a lot, so I just started typing up everything.
'til next time--
"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19: 21
Last night at church, we talked about how we get caught up in making plans for our life. We worry about where we will be in 5 or 10 years, when tomorrow is not even promised. We worry about what clothes we will wear or what car we will drive. Doesn't God tell us not to worry about these things? So why do we do it? I know I could say the overused phrase "we are human, we can't be perfect.. blah blah". But, if we follow Christ, aren't we supposed to thrive to be like Him? Are we not supposed to live humbly and help others? Yes, we are human and we are not perfect, but we should do everything we can to live the way Christ said to live. I mean, Jesus was the best and smartest man to ever live, who wouldn't want to be like Him? Well, back to what I was saying. We get caught up in making plans for our futures. I have tried to cut that out of my life. Sure, I talk about plans that I would like to see happen with my future in missions or whatnot. But, I hear people all the time talking about what car they are going to have, where they will live, how much money they will make.. It is exhausting to listen to that! What happens if none of that happens to you? You will be let down! That is why you should just live right now. Live today. Love the people in front of you today. Do not worry or talk about what is to come in the future, because you cannot determine that. I can tell you first hand. I went to college with my future planned out. I was going to be in the best sorority, marry a doctor and live happily ever after. I am not joking when I say that. That was seriously my plan. If you know me now, you would think that is crazy that I once thought that. I am not like that anymore because I gave all of my life and trust to God. It is so freeing when you do that. I worry much less, and I focus more on what is right in front of me. I live for right now. My little piece of advice is 'stop planning your future'. It does not matter what car you will have or where you will live. If you let God determine your future, you will have something much better than you ever planned. I promise. Perfect love does not fear or worry. Love God wholly and without fear. He makes everything perfect with time.
It takes a lot of time to reform you life and trust in God with all that you have. Believe me, it has been a long journey. The first step is to tell God to take away your worries and replace them with peace. Tell God that you trust Him with your future. Eventually, you stop planning your future. How boring would your life be if you knew your future already? What fun is that, there would be no surprise!
It is just so exhausting listening to people talk and plan their futures. I used to do it too, it is tiring thinking about how I used to be.
I was reading in Jeremiah about the potters wheel. It makes so much sense. Just give your life over to God, and He will make this beautiful life for you. He has so many great plans for you, you just have no idea. He will take you places that you never in a million years imagined you would go!
I know this post is pretty rambly (not sure if that is a word, but I like it) and odd, but deal with it. It is 6 a.m. It is the best I can do! :)
Here are some pictures from my 'Bows for Haiti' journey!
All of my fabric!! ahh!
love--
