I feel like I could jump off of a mountain right now! I feel like I could jump and just fly away. I am just filled with happiness and love and it just lifts me off the ground. Sorry if that is weird, it is just how I am feeling lately.
I have gone through so many more changes just in the past month, and my life is so different than I ever thought it would be. I had all of these plans for my life that consisted of a lot of money and other material items. I thought that is what I wanted out of life. But, things have turned out much different. It is turning out to be much better than I could ever imagine.
I am still working on simplifying my life. I am still sorting through my closet. But, at this moment I feel like I could go rip everything out of my closet, and keep a few things, and I would be just fine. I think I might go throw a few more things out of my closet today. It feels so great, and so freeing. I want so bad to unclutter my life, especially this next month before I go to Haiti. God has really led me to fasting. I have felt Him telling me to fast. I bought a book and started reading on it. It makes total sense to me. I had this preconceived thought about fasting before I ever read about it. I had always heard people say 'we are fasting today at church'. And, I never understood this. I thought 'why would you not eat all day?' 'what good does that do?'. But, I think I had just heard it from friends who didn't really understand the concept either. Now that my relationship with God is growing deeper, I believe it is something important that I should do. It would free up my time, and help me focus more on God. I wouldn't completely do without food. I am still reading about it, and I will read more on how to fast. I would just eat a litttttttttle bit. Just enough to survive. At church we have been studying different types of prayer. We are supposed to pick one and do it for the next few weeks. Since I just finished school for a while, I chose Solitude. Meaning, I am going to set aside a few hours to just be still and listen. I can read my bible, write or listen to music. But, I will just take that time to soak in God's Love. I think fasting and this type of prayer go hand in hand. So, I am going to start this full on by Monday. The reason I am waiting is because I am going with the youth to March Mission Madness this weekend and things will be all crazy.
I have really been focusing my life around Matthew 6. Jesus shows us the type of life we should live. I think being a Christian, it is important to actually live the lifestyle that Jesus told us to live. I know we live in a different time period, but that doesn't matter. We can still live like Him, or at least try our best. :) So, that is what I am focusing my life on right now. It is hard. It is definitely a process. You can't completely change your life in one day. It takes a lot of prayer. I still have a long, long way to go. You know, at first, I started getting kind of angry. I would look around at my christian friends and wonder why I had to give up everything when they didn't. But, after a LOT of praying, I have come to accept it. Everyone is at different stages of their relationship with God. I was completely different two years ago, but look how far I have come. It is something that everyone will learn. Everyone will eventually learn that money does not buy you happiness. It just takes me. It took time for me. So, I am now at peace with this. I am not angry, I just know that I need to be an example. I want to live my life like Jesus did. He was the best man to ever live. I want to learn everything that I can about Him. I want to soak up everything that I can. When you unclutter your life, you heard God more clearly. It is so wonderful. You do not have so many things distracting you. I want to eventually get to the point where if God asked me to do something, I could give up everything and just go. Like Jesus said 'Go, sell everything, & then come, follow Me'. How beautiful is that.
I have come a long way in personal relationships also. I have prayed that God fills me with love, and rid me of any type of anxiety or hate. I definitely see a change in myself. I want to revolve my life around helping others. But, I have had a lot of challenges as my life has changed. I have lost a lot of friends. Well, I thought they were friends. Now that I do not go out to parties or do anything like that, I feel like people have abandoned me. I still have a few friends, but I have even cut back on my time with them a lot. I still have a few friends who want to go out on weekends. I can't do that with them. I tried, but it is just opening a door for trouble. Since I am still weak in areas, there are places that I just cannot go to. So, some of my friends, I can just go out to dinner with, or watch a movie with now. Which is fine. It shows that they are true friends to do that with me, and understand it. The friends that are still with me are like gold. They are hard to find, but they have been with me forever it seems. We have been through thick and thin, literally. But friends do go through fights and tough times, but it just makes the good times that much better.
An update on Bows for Haiti..
We have now turned this project into 'Bows and Bracelets for Haiti'. My sweet next door neighbors taught me how to make the cutest bead and fabric bracelets. I am making bracelets to take the older girls and women. They are so cute! I have made a few bows, but I have been so busy with school and all. Now that I am finished with school until August, I can focus a lot more time into making bows. In fact, Deanna is coming over today and we are having a bow making day!! I am super excited! I
I have also done several photo shoots, and my yard sale was a great success! I am only a few hundred dollars away from what I need for the trip. I feel so blessed. I was so overwhelmed with the amount of money that I needed. I prayed, and God has more than answered! This whole experience has taught me a lot. My whole life I have always been given everything that I wanted. This time, I had to work and give up things. But, it feels so good. I really hope the girls like the bows and bracelets. I just want to make them smile, and know that they are so completely Loved. I am now trying to prepare myself for the trip. I have no idea what to expect, but I know it will break my heart. It will be a humbling experience.
I am also thinking about starting a fundraiser for the victims of the earthquake and tsunami in Japan. I want to make as many bracelets and bows as I can for Haiti, so I do not know how much time I will have before my trip. I want to make bows and bracelets and sell them to raise money to give to a Christian organization that has people over there. Or, maybe I could raise money and go over there this summer? Who knows! I will see what God has in store for me!
God has been so good to me. I have been learning more and more. I realize how important it is to invest time and effort. That is the only way your relationship with God will grow. It has been so wonderful, and I can't wait to see what the future has in store!
'til next time--
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